Poor communication and poor listening are a common way of life for many families. The easiest way to improve communication in your family is to improve listening. Listening, without lecturing or criticizing, is difficult at times. Listening to our own children talk about their daily activities, fights with friends, or silly concerns about how they look can get old. But if we listen now, we greatly increase the chances of our teenagers coming to us with more serious problems later (instead of turning to unhealthy practices). Listening takes practice! 

To do active listening:  stop what you are doing. Face the person and look in the person’s eyes. Nod or say you understand. Check in with the speaker to be sure you understand his or her feelings (“You are worried,” or “You seem really frustrated about this.”). Don’t give advice or lecture.

 

Active listening is not always appropriate. (For example, it is not usually called for when it’s midnight before a school day and your 10 year old complains about having to go to bed.)

 

Encouraging and modeling active listening is extremely important if parents are to have an impact on their children’s behavior.

Homework: Actively listen as your child talks about his or her day at school. Practice active listening when your child explains why he or she got a bad grade on a test. Use active listening when your child explains his or her side during an argument.